| Perhaps it is a sign of my
growing older that I have taken time to reflect on the past. It might be that
looking at old photos and seeing the years of youth that have slipped by only reinforces
my disbelief as to how time has elapsed so quickly. Some photos hold no memories as I was too young to recall them yet there are others older than I that might remember the exact moment as I do many of the photos of my children when they were small. I do remember singing the song Que sera sera. I had many hopes and dreams growing up, many of them have been shed along with the years that have past and other things I would never have dared to predict took their place. What is interesting to see is how many things of my youth carried through with me to the present. Interests that grew as I developed and characteristics that still hold a place in my personality. Remembering the words of this song, "When I was just a little a girl I asked my Mother... What shall I be? Will I be pretty?, Will I be rich?... here's what she said to me.... que sera sera whatever will be will be, the future's not ours to see que sera sera", reminds me of how vague my future still appears. Never knowing for certain the outcome of any event, always having to accept what occurs good or bad can sometimes result in resentment, fear and hesitation and at other times exuberance, wonder and fascination. The little girl in me still wonders about the future. Where will I be? What will I be doing? Will I be happy? I have come to a conclusion that to focus on the future as my prime target takes away from the pleasures of the moment, the things I should be enjoying today. Many years have past since these photos and the practice of trying to predict the future, with very little success, wasted countless days worrying about tomorrows. Tomorrows that have now come and gone and finally the words..."what will be will be" have meaning. The stress of trying to alter the future took away precious moments that could have been enjoyed, time never to be recovered. It is not that I care less about the future. I still have hopes and dreams but it is with the wisdom of age and understanding that I now look to each day and accept what the present has to offer. I spend considerably less time worrying about the tomorrows that I might never see thus allowing me to live each new day with greater meaning.
Cheryl C. Helynck 1998
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