Spirit Of Mary

(December 8, 1542 - February 8, 1587)

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"In My End Is My Beginning"

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My interest in Mary Queen of Scots goes back several decades.  I have always had an interest in history, in particular the history of certain people, countries and periods of time.  I have no recollection of when I first learned of the life of Mary Stuart, who at one time was considered by some to be rightful Queen of Scotland, France and England.  To most she is recalled as the Queen of Scotland that Elizabeth I feared had a greater claim to the throne of England than Elizabeth herself did and eventually had Mary beheaded for treason to be rid of her.

The life of Mary Queen of Scots which includes the struggles she encountered as she attempted to rule Scotland as a Catholic monarch.  Her three marriages, her periods of hiding to prevent capture and eventually her imprisonment prior to her execution are all interesting historical facts. People took sides in the matters of legitimacy of her rule and her religious beliefs, making Mary a controversial monarch that is remembered and her life story has been written with many interpretations.

I believe in psychic phenomena and this belief is based on personal experiences. Having studied psychology I realize that the paranormal is a subject often scorned.   To those who have experienced premonitions, ESP, deja vu it is not perceived in a scientific matter.  It is a knowledge and feeling that is inexplicable. To those that want precise answers as to how it is achieved and why some are more in tune with reception of certain facts and information than others this is not a satisfactory answer.   Further I believe that the spirits of some people are reincarnated, especially the souls of people who have lived lives cut short, people who died with strong issues unresolved. I feel the presence of people who are no longer of this world, call them ghosts or spirits.  People that may not be in a limbo between the world we know and the next but strength in spirit that allows them to guide and communicate to this world.  I will not attempt to justify my beliefs further with the exception of this one comment, that the majority of the population of this world and people through the centuries have believed in, prayed to, and communicated with spirits under the name of religious beliefs.  To sense a spirit of someone does make them deities but simply essences of a life form with powers of communication.

The bases for a much of my beliefs goes back to Mary Queen of Scots.   For many years I have told close confidants of my feelings regarding Mary.  I have felt intuitively connected to her life and have had certain emotions about periods in time in her life especially the interval prior to and after her marriage to the Earl of Bothwell, who eventually became her third husband.  I have no immediate connections with relatives in Scotland, nor have I been to Scotland yet this era is clear and fresh in my mind.  When I think of Mary I experience the fragrance of the meadows, know how the walls of the many castles she once inhabited feel, and sense her emotions.  I have experienced very vivid deja vu moments in other regards and have known prior to the moment occurring what would be said and done, and at times felt helpless to stop the event when the outcome was not what I would wish.  I know should I go to Scotland and visit the areas that she lived I would grasp her presence even stronger.  Knowing what I have I could make the trip to try to resolve some of the mysteries earlier but intuitively I know that the timing is essential.  There is a message or information I am to learn and it is to be revealed in its own good time.  I had thought at one point that I might have once been Mary but as the years have unfolded I believe I was one who was very close to her or receiving certain bits of information that is gained from one who knew her intimately, her thoughts, and emotions.  She had four ladies in waiting all named Mary and Mary Beaton like Queen Mary herself were both poets.  The intense connection and understanding of some of  Mary's thoughts and emotions appear to comes from a presence with confidential knowledge of the experiences that Mary felt during this time with the desire to communicate these so that Mary can be understood and one who wrote might be this link.

At this point it becomes hard to describe the knowledge that I have of the time, emotions that are totally unexplainable. To some every thing must have an explanation and to others it is simply enough to know. This is the best way I can illustrate what I feel and know of Mary. The historical records give out certain facts but what I know of Mary is this, she became Queen when she was six days old and like many born to royalty had no great desire for the position to rule.  She was very committed to her religious convictions and would have been happier in a nunnery than a ruler of a country. Although she is portrayed as mislead by her advisors she was often in a most untenable situation where whatever her choice she was subject to opposition and she relied on those supporters that she felt would be the strongest in protecting the interest of Scotland and her beliefs.  An intelligent woman, but a woman none the less in this era that even as a monarch had to make decisions that would be approved of by her advisors. Often she felt like a puppet that was being manipulated. She disliked the loneliness of her position and the hate that was generated towards her from John Knox and his followers. She was not as confused about Elizabeth as it is recorded.   She and Elizabeth played a game of wits and Mary had hoped with the right relationship that Elizabeth would come to her aid but knew it was a gamble. Thinking that another woman,  a monarch would appreciate her predicament but knowing full well Elizabeth feared her and she presented herself to Elizabeth as submissive and weak in comparison so as not to worsen the relationship. She had a passionate love for Bothwell, he had a wild spirit and when she was with him she relaxed not feeling she had to act out the role of Queen.  In his presence she felt protected and safe.   She adored him and relished his love.  Although their passion was  briefly experienced it sustained her.  This one love in her life where she felt she was simply Mary.   Understood and appreciated as a woman.

The things I know about Mary that come from other than readings about her have come in fragments over a period of time.  I do not focus on her, may not even think about her for months at a time then like opening a cabinet where you have stored familiar things you notice something you had not seen before, had not placed there and in a sense pry into something that is not your business.  Opening the mind to these feelings is sometimes just a quick flash like catching a flash of light off to the side of your vision.  It is fleeting and easy to ignore.  Once I remember  it was a color, a particular shade of  red it connected with nothing in my thoughts or memory.   Yet that distinct color stayed with me a long time and when I saw it again it was with a needle work that was being created so it seemed.  The color drew me into the image, the setting, my eyes felt sore, by back ached, my fingers were cold, I had been sitting a long time it felt.  The atmosphere was grim and silent, a fire burned but the room was cold.  Then I sensed a message not a conversation but a feeling of acceptance of a situation.  The talking was over, there were no options to offer.   It was a matter of just waiting now.   When I saw this color again it was a completed slip that was worn under Mary's dress the day she met her death. I felt her resolve as she followed the instructions of her executioners to position her neck for the blow of the axe.  Defiant in her innocence, totally convinced in her religious salvation, strong very intense concentration, a focus drawing upon her inner resources.  Odors, that of the onlookers, many of them reeked the sickening strong stench of unclean bodies but Mary had bathed she was clean as were her clothes.  The henchman was experienced but felt doubt about his duties today.  Feared he was as much on stage and his performance to be judged as that of the soon to be victim of his blade.   Breathing as if a bit out of breath, adjusting Mary, moving his hand and griping again the handle of the axe.  With doubts that his job this day was not to protect his country or Queen, he struck and the cut was not clean and he immediately raised the axe to finish the job in an attempt not to cause Mary any more undo pain.

Mary wrote the following before her death, written originally in French which was the language of the the sophisticated court.


Que suis-je hélas?  Et de quoi sert ma vie? Alas what am I?  What use has my life?
Je ne suis fors qu'un corps privé de coeur, I am but a body whose heart's torn away,
Une ombre vaine, un objet de malheur A vain shadow, an object of misery
Qui n'a plus rien que de mourir en vie. Who has nothing left but death-in-life.
Plus ne me portez, O ennemis, d'envie O my enemies, set your envy all aside;
A qui n'a plus l'esprit à la grandeur. I've no more eagerness for high domain;
J'ai consommé d'excessive douleur I've borne too long the burden of my pain
Votre ire en bref de voir assouvie. To see your anger swiftly satisfied.
Et vous, amis, qui m'avez tenue chère, And you, my friends who have loved me so true,
Souvenez-vous que sans coeur et sans santé Remember, lacking health and heart and peace,
Je ne saurais aucune bonne oeuvre faire, There is nothing worthwhile that I can do;
Souhaitez donc fin de calamité Ask only that my misery should cease
Et que, ici-bas étant assez punie, And that, being punished in a world like this,
J'aie ma part en la joie infinie. I have my portion in eternal bliss.

One might ask why do I sense certain things in regards to Mary, of what value have they been.  I have no answer except that I know it has opened my mind to many concepts that I might have automatically rejected.  To know, to feel, to understand without reason.  It affords me the opportunity to explore without preconceived reservations the many avenues of the paranormal world.  In some ways it has helped me to see the flash of premonition that could be so easily disregarded if one was not distinctly aware of such occurrences.  I believe there is so much more that is possible to each of us in the way of a sixth sense that through the generations we have been conditioned to believe evil, untrustworthy or mystic.  A forbidden sense that only a few are still receptive to, open to attempting to understand and translate into knowledge that just is.  How it is presented is of no matter, only that it comes and with it comes understanding. 

Mary I bid you fare thee well until we meet once more in some unexplainable manner.  Let the veils of mystery be revealed as they shall, rest well Your Highness.

                                Cheryl C. Helynck


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